Words
by Kouzuka Haruomi
Summary: How mean could Watanuki be to Doumeki? How much would Doumeki sacrifice for Watanuki?


**Title:** Words – hoo… I suck at titling

**Author:** Kouzuka Haruomi

**Fandom:** xxxHOLiC

**Pairing:** 104 Donuts

**Rating:** It's so safe it should just be rated - T

**Warnings:** Shounen ai, attempt angst

**Status:** Complete

**Disclaimer:** snorts I can pay with tissues I use to wipe my soiled pants with, heh.

**A/N**: Okay… English is not my native language… this piece is un-beta-ed… I can't afford a beta… Please be nice… I think 104 kicks ass… cockteasers are to die for. It's a bit long but I'm too lazy to split it up so forgive me, people... it shall be in one chapter... > " CLAMP pwns all.

I got the above template from Triste's fic – I hope she don't mind me using it, it's really convenient, thanks Triste

--

Words

"You make me sick, you know? Can't you just go die or something? I'm sure that will make me happy!" Watanuki bellowed. Doumeki blinked. How did a simple question about him inquiring the time they should depart from school turn into this?

The taller boy slumped and turned on his heels. "I'll see you at 5," he uttered and left the gaping boy. Watanuki of course used that as another set of fuel for his unresolved anger. "What? You think I'd wait for you? Sod off!" He shouted, waving his fists madly.

Doumeki sighed. They were still fine at lunch. Watanuki still showed up with those cute Inari sushi that he had wanted to eat. It was always about Kunogi; once the girl steps into the picture Watanuki would change. Watanuki blamed the fact that Kunogi couldn't join them for lunch at him. Blaming him for being an incompetent student council body for letting the poor girl work at lunch time; Blaming him for stealing away his and her time together.

The taller boy let out another sigh.

Was he really the cause of Watanuki's sadness? Was he really a bringer of grief to the boy? Would he be better off without him around?

His thoughts traveled idly to the one time he had a talk with Yuuko not so long ago at the park.

--

"He always complains about how you slave-drive him," the stoic boy stated as a matter-of-factly.

Yuuko put on a fake hurt look. "Oh, what cruel words! I'm merely working him for what his wish is worth, is all…" her face displayed nothing but slyness.

Doumeki turned away. "Is there anything I could help with?"

"—helping… meaning?" Yuuko questioned.

"With his wish," the boy rested his chin on his hands.

"Well…" Yuuko changed the positioning of her legs as she swung her slender left leg over her right. "… by being close to you, he would be safe from the Ayakashi—"

Doumeki was looking at the Dimensional witch with intensity that could pierce through steel.

"—But having you soul infused with his would neutralize his ability to see and sense them. Also rendering him invisible to the ethereal beings…"

Doumeki's eyes widen a fraction, before it fell back into its expressionless façade.

Yuuko stood up. "Not really a pretty picture I know, but just know that you being there for him is really as much as he could get for now. So he should be thanking you," the lanky women stood. Wind caught her black hair and it danced in the air as she walked back to her store.

--

Watanuki fumed as he stomped pass the gate when he saw the taller boy there. Doumeki who was waiting for him by the school gate caught up to him. He was silent; he just wanted to make sure Watanuki safely reached his next destination.

Watanuki suddenly stopped and spun around. "Are you having fun making me miserable? Cause you're really doing a great job! I'm at the brink of killing myself now, thank you!" Watanuki turned back to stomp away when something made him stop.

"Does my mere presence make you unhappy?"

Watanuki spun around, keeping their 10 feet distance. "Unhappy?" he smirked. "Unhappy is just describing the tip of the iceberg. You DIGUST me! I ABHOR the sight of you! And you take advantage of me left and right! You even somehow manage to successfully interrupt every possible chances of me being together with Himawari-chan!" the boy took a moment to squeal in the mental image of the long haired girl before turning back to his temper. "So I'm sure you get the idea!"

"—if I were to die… it would really make you happy, wouldn't it?"

Doumeki's question was invalid. Of course as much as he hated Doumeki he wouldn't BE happy if he died. But of course his ego and his mouth were way more dishonest than his heart.

He walked up to Doumeki and smirked. "That would be the day I celebrate by cooking your favorite food knowing you can't eat it. Heh!" with that he turned back to walk, half expecting Doumeki to keep following him.

"Sou ka…" Doumeki's voice was soft, but still audible. "Hirumeshi ga oishikatta. Arigatou…"

Watanuki stopped on his steps. Did Doumeki just thank him for lunch? He turned around but he could only see Doumeki's retreating back. He shrugged maybe he could make Doumeki something for tomorrow as well… Soumen seemed a good bet.

--

Watanuki walked pass Doumeki's class the next day, Soumen in tow for lunch and found out that Doumeki was absent. Doumeki was NEVER absent. He would drag his 2 feet to school if needed.

So he brought the soumen back to Yuuko's shop with him after school. The twins and Yuuko looked longingly at the bento box and purred. "It's actually for Doumeki. But he didn't come to school today. I guess you guys can have it if you want."

"AH" the witch laughed awkwardly and gleefully uttered "Itadakimasu" while the twins chanted behind her in a sing-song.

Watanuki frowned, but was it his imagination that he saw something flashed by Yuuko's eyes when he mentioned Doumeki's name?

--

A week…

Doumeki has been absent from school for a week.

Watanuki was polishing that same spot for 10 minutes now.

"I think you just wiped 30 centuries worth of history off that bronze pot, Watanuki…" Yuuko's voice brought Watanuki out of his stupor. He blinked and stared at the pot. The beautiful green tarnish was gone; a spot of his own reflection stared back at him.

The boy gasped and placed the pot back down, turning it around so the shiny part was facing the wall.

Yuuko smiled as he reached for the boy's chin. She gently tilted it up and offered a smile to him. Watanuki couldn't place an expression on that smile, but he wouldn't take it lightly. Yuuko was ALWAYS scheming.

"Rejoice, Watanuki. For today will be the day your wish gets granted," Yuuko beamed.

Watanuki frowned. Yes, his employer was smiling, but he was certain now her smile was laced with grief.

"What? Why now?"

Yuuko blinked and wiggled a finger in front of him. "Tsk-tsk-tsk… Watanuki… what have I told you about questioning Hitsuzen?"

The boy shrugged and the witch took Watanuki's hand gently and guided him to the sitting room. She gestured him to sit down and did so herself. "What are we—"

"Shh… she will be here any minute now," Yuuko had her slender finger on his lips to shush him.

In a matter of seconds the door to the shop creaked open softly. "Gomen kudasai…" a sweet mellow voice echoed through the hallway.

Soft footsteps were heard as the twins ran to the door to greet the guest. "It's the Zashiki Warashi" "It's the Zashiki Warashi" they sing-song together.

"Zashiki Warashi? What's she—" Again, Watanuki was cut by Yuuko's fingers. "All in due time, Watanuki…" she smiled one last time at him before turning to the sliding shoji doors. The Zashiki Warashi gasped slightly when she saw Watanuki there, a faint blush on her cheeks. "Yuuko-san, Watanuki-san," she bowed in greeting as she entered the living space.

"How punctual," Yuuko smiled. The petit sprite nodded and handed Yuuko a small glass container. Something inside it was glowing faint amber.

"I have brought it as according to you instructions," she uttered softly. Yuuko nodded. "Thank you, sweetie," she thanked the shy entity as she examined the contents. Watanuki took the opportunity to look at it as well. Now that he's staring at it he could see the faint glowing of the content seemed to be beating to a beat, a heartbeat maybe.

"I shall take my leave then," the Zashiki Warashi said softly. Yuuko nodded and saw tears shedding off the girl before she was shown out by the twins.

It was another 10 seconds before the outer door was closed.

"What is that?" Watanuki finally spoke.

Yuuko smiled as lifted up the container. "This is what that will fulfill your wish, Watanuki-kun," she explained. "Will you receive this?" she asked as she lifted the glass top. A warm glow seemed to heat up the room to comfortable warmth.

Watanuki blinked. This would be it. His wish would be granted. No more spirits… no more Ayakashi… no more relying on Dou… the boy shook off those thoughts. "I will," he seemed more determined than ever.

Yuuko nodded and brought the opened container close to Watanuki's face. The amber seemed to grow brighter and surround them both in blinding brightness before ceasing and disappearing all together. The room returned to its slightly lower temperature.

"So now I won't see spirits?" Watanuki smiled.

Yuuko nodded and took her basin of spring water. She murmured something and gestured to Watanuki. "I shall leave this bowl to you. I am showing you this so you know how your wish was granted. Look into the waters and seek knowledge of this."

With that the tall lady went out of the room leaving Watanuki to dwell into the past.

The boy blinked and turned back to the basin.

He frowned slightly as he peered carefully into the waters, half expecting something to come out of it. The calm water slowly rippled and Watanuki's eyes widened…

He could roughly see Yuuko's reflection in the water, and slowly the vision cleared…

--

"20 minutes before midnight… how punctual," the Time Witch mused.

A grunt was heard before a tall boy appeared. He requested a meeting with her and she had asked him to meet her here at the park 20 minutes before midnight.

"I'm taking up the offer," he simply uttered. He knew it was of no use to beat around the bush. He was sure she knew what it was that he wanted.

Yuuko smiled, it wasn't a happy smile, but a rueful looking one. "Why?"

"It's my decision."

"Why?"

"If my death means fulfilling his wishes, and making him happy… who am I to say no?"

"Why?"

There was a long silence.

"—I love him."

Yuuko sighed. "Normal people want to stay ALIVE with the ones they love…"

"It doesn't matter when the one you love hates your very existence… And our lives are way beyond the parameters of normal, I'm sure you're aware of that fact, Yuuko-san."

Yuuko nodded.

Before Doumeki could say anything else the sky brightened slightly…

"If that is your decision, then it's settled… the guests have arrived," Yuuko noted solemnly.

From the briefly lit sky, sprites descended from the skies. Familiar ones like the Ame Warashi and Zashiki Warashi were among them. The dream catcher was there too.

"Why are all of them here?" Doumeki inquired, his face was expressionless but his eyes showed that he was curious.

"They are here to help us, Doumeki-kun. Your soul will be of pure energy. A mere human like me couldn't possibly touch it without soiling its purity. There are all here to help us guide your soul into this," she untied a package that Doumeki didn't realize was in her hands. As the last of the cloth were unfolded, a glass jar with a glass lid was presented.

"I'm going into that?" he asked.

Yuuko nodded.

"………."

"Don't fret. Your soul will be kept here and the Zashiki Warashi will bring it back with her to preserve the jar in the river of purity. It will be kept there for 7 days and after that, she will come to me with the jar and Watanuki's wish will be fulfilled."

Doumeki nodded. He couldn't care less how it was done.

Yuuko stood up and a long stick from somewhere in the hem of her dress and drew some symbols on the ground.

"It seems a little sad that a refreshing soul like yours won't feel the joys of love in your lifetime," the voice that belonged to the Ame Warashi sounded. Being a sprite of honesty did little to make her care about petty things such as being tact.

Doumeki looked up to her. "Does he even know how you feel about him?" the shy Zashiki Warashi asked.

Doumeki shrugged.

"Why are you young generations so- so—bashful about these things!" The Ame Warashi threw her hands in the air in exasperation.

"I can't help it if he hates me with all his essence. It is beyond my comprehension why he treats the rest of the world with passion and love even if they pose harm to him; whereas I, who never wish nor would cause harm to him – had been and always will protect him selflessly – gets all his channeled anger and hate."

"Did it ever occur to you if he was only hiding behind that anger?" the Ame Warashi inquired.

"As I said earlier… It doesn't matter. I asked him of my presence and I don't even want to remember his answers… it's too painful…" his voice was muffled. Out of his short life, this was the time where Doumeki felt a really painful pang in his chest. As much as he didn't want to remember, the stinging words of Watanuki kept playing in his mind. Unconsciously his vision blurred as tears started to roll off his cheeks.

All the sprites looked tempted to just crawl over the boy and lick off those delicious tears…

"Such grief doesn't suit you, boy…" the Ame Warashi said softly, her own heart heavy with sorrow.

"Lie there," Yuuko suddenly spoke. All eyes turned to her as she straightened up with her hands on her hips. She pointed to the centre of her artwork.

Doumeki did as what he was told.

"It was nice knowing you," she smiled.

Doumeki nodded.

"Would you like me to tell him how this was done?"

Doumeki shrugged.

"I will then, when the time comes…"

Yuuko nodded to the sprites as 3 came closer and engulfed the lying body with glowing aura.

Doumeki started to relax. He now felt fatigue, as if he had been doing manual labor for 3 days straight and now was his first time resting. His eyes slowly droop into a shut and he could hear his beating heart slowing considerably.

He was overwhelmed by a multitude of his own emotions. He was sad, knowing he would leave this world and never see his Watanuki again; Happy, because he knew after this Watanuki's wish would be granted and he would be happy; A little scared because it is death he will be facing in a short moment but most of all, honor and a sense of nobility and pride to be able to protect the one he loves for eternity.

As the aura condensed into a small glow of yellow energy, the sprites gathered around the boy as they basked in its warmth. The Zashiki Warashi opened the glass container and the others motioned their hands so the ball of energy slowly floated into the container.

"What a noble young boy," the Dream Catcher uttered. He wasn't particularly happy with what was going on, but he respected their decisions.

Yuuko stepped towards the Zashiki Warashi and sat next to her. "You will purify it in the river and send it back to me 7 nights from now," the Zashiki Warashi held the warm glass container to her chest and nodded.

Yuuko reached up to wipe the tears off her eyes.

--

The ripple of the water jerked him out of the imagery as a distorted vision of his own reflection stared back at him.

"Doumeki…" he uttered softly.

"YUUKO!" he scrambled to his feet and ran out of the room. "YUUKO WHERE ARE YOU! WHERE'S DOUMEKI! THAT WAS NOT WHAT HAPPENED! YOU BETTER TELL ME THAT WAS ALL A FUCKING LIE! BECAUSE IF THE BLOCKHEAD WAS REALLY DEAD I WOULD—"

"You would what?"

Watanuki stopped when he found her sitting on the porch, calmly smoking her Japanese pipe.

"…I would… no… he didn't… why…?"

"I'm sure you knew the answer to those questions, Watanuki… it would be inane to ask of such," she replied, a little icy even for her.

"I didn't mean it… I never meant anything bad I said to him… I thought he would know me enough to know I was just playing with him…" tears fell freely off his pretty face.

"Watanuki…" Yuuko took a long drag on her pipe before letting it go. "Words are very powerful… I'm sure you know… you can make people believe in everything if only you used the right words, be it for good or bad…"

"I don't want this… I really don't want this…" he crawled over to Yuuko and grasped her free hand. "Please, Yuuko-san! Give Doumeki back to me! I could deal with the ghosts… I don't care if I have to see 10 times more than I already am. But Please! Bring Doumeki back! Please…!" He cried and begged the witch.

Yuuko looked away. "I'm sorry Watanuki. I can't do that…"

"I wish it! Please! I'd pay anything! Even a life of slavery to you!"

Yuuko shook his head. "I'm sorry, Watanuki… this is one wish that you can't afford."

Watanuki released the hold on Yuuko and collapsed to the ground. His whole world felt hollow.

"I'm sorry… I don't mean those things, Doumeki… It was only to tease you… Why did you leave me… I'm sorry… I love you… come back… please…"

The only answer that Watanuki got was his own sobbing and the soft humming of the wind. It was such a solemn atmosphere that it seemed like everything and everyone were mourning…

--

"Doumeki? Yeah it's me… could you uhm… come over to fetch Watanuki? Something happened to him and I think he would be too traumatized to walk home alone and besides… I'm sure he really needs you now," Yuuko twirled her finger around the spiral cord of the phone.

"Uhn," was the only reply she got before the annoying buzz of a hung up phone was heard.

Yuuko put down the receiver and spared a glance towards Watanuki. He was crying in his unconscious state. He must have had it bad.

She shook her head and sighed.

"Watanuki is crying," "Watanuki is crying," the twin soulless girls chanted gravely.

Yuuko nodded.

"Is he sad?" "Will he be sad later too?" they asked again.

Yuuko smiled. "I don't think so."

Maru and Moro sat near to Watanuki and observed the still crying boy.

"Would you darlings get Watanuki's things?" she asked.

The pink and blue entity bounced to their petit little feet and started scurrying around for Watanuki's book bag, glasses and shoes.

"We got it," "We got it," they chimed.

Yuuko nodded. "Now go wake up Watanuki," she gestured with her pipe.

"Watanuki, wake up" "Watanuki, wake-up" they shook the boy not-too-discreetly and sing-song to help with the rousing of the boy.

After a few more shakes, the boy's wet lashes fluttered open like butterfly wings. He soaked in his surroundings and tried to focus his blurred vision. He must have cried until he fell asleep. He could barely make out the figure of his employer. "Yuuko-san…" he spoke softly before he was going to drown into another fit of tears.

"Go," Yuuko suddenly spoke.

"Huh?" Watanuki frowned; he totally thought that blurred vision came from too much crying.

"He's waiting for you outside."

"Who?"

"Doumeki, of course…" Yuuko smirked but Watanuki's great vision couldn't catch that much of detail, thus missing it.

"Dou…me…ki…?" he uttered those syllables slowly as if digesting it slowly.

He got to his feet unsteadily. "…Doumeki…Doumeki…Doumeki…" he chanted below his breath like a mantra as he made his way to the front door with his wobbly feet. He pushed open the door and looked at the gate.

"Doumeki…Doumeki…Doumeki…Doumeki…" he keep chanting it as if his life depended on it. Beyond the gates of Yuuko's realm he could make out a figure standing languidly outside.

"Doumeki…Doumeki…Doumeki…Doumeki…" His mantra was getting louder as his feet overlapped its own steps to hasten his steps towards his goal.

Doumeki stared intently at the empty space in front of him. He could sense something coming nearer to him but he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"Doumeki…Doumeki…Doumeki…Doumeki…" By now Watanuki was already crying his name as he ran out of the gate. Doumeki caught a glimpse of Watanuki exiting the invisible vortex and caught the boy as Watanuki ran into his chest all the while crying his name.

"Watanuki," Doumeki uttered, his arms wrapped around the shaking boy one arm on the small of his back and another cradling his head as if he was a porcelain doll. Both of Watanuki's arms were wrapped tightly around his own torso. Slowly Doumeki lowered them to the ground as he continued to rub soothing circles on Watanuki's back. His chanting hasn't stop but it was softer now. "It's alright, Watanuki… Everything's all right now…" he tried to shush the boy.

Watanuki looked up and blinked his hazy blue eyes. "I'm sorry Doumeki… I never meant all those bad things I said to you… I'm sorry… Don't leave me, don't leave me anymore… please… I beg you…"

"I'm not going anywhere…" Doumeki assured him, hands never cease to soothe the boy. He wondered what had happened to Watanuki to turn him into such a paranoid case.

"I love you… I love you… I thought I lost you… I don't know how you came back but I don't care so as long as you're here…" Watanuki kept on crying.

"Shh… it's okay now... it's only a bad dream…" Doumeki whispered in the boy's ears.

Doumeki wanted to add that he was only at home, that nothing had happened to him when Yuuko appeared by the gate, carrying Watanuki's things. She placed his book bag and shoes on the ground then the delicate glasses on the bag before leaning back against the gate.

"It wasn't a dream," Yuuko offered.

Doumeki looked up at the witch and frowned slightly, unconsciously Doumeki's arm around Watanuki tightened he would protect this soul with every ounce of himself if it was the last thing he would do. Watanuki sobbed softly on Doumeki's chest now calming himself down.

"He stumbled on an item in the treasure room that lets you travel through the 5th dimension and experience another reality of which you might have chosen by making a choice in some part of your life. It means he was experiencing another alternate universe where he made some decisions and - I assumed, had brought to your demise, Doumeki."

Both the boys were listening. Doumeki didn't have anything to say to it. Only that he was glad that Watanuki finally got pass his barrier and was able to express his feelings, at least for now. Watanuki too, didn't have anything to say to it – only tightening his grip on Doumeki. And by the looks of it he didn't look like he was going to let go anytime soon.

"So remember, Watanuki. Those were real. It was what could happen if you make choices. So remember its lesson well. Be thankful that in this reality you still have him because somewhere out there the Watanuki that has lost his Doumeki is living in eternal grief."

Watanuki's heart shot a pang of pain. "I love you so much Doumeki…" he whispered to the boy's chest grabbing more of his already crumpled clothes, his eyes tearing up again.

Doumeki planted a chaste kiss on Watanuki's hair in an attempt to soothe him more.

"Now run along home you two…" she smiled.

Doumeki shifted and carried the still shaking Watanuki bridal style. Watanuki had his arms around Doumeki's neck for support and hid his face in between his hands, tucking it under Doumeki's neck. Yuuko placed Watanuki's things on him and patted Doumeki's shoulder.

"Have a pleasant night," she uttered.

Doumeki walked slowly towards his house. It was considerably nearer than Watanuki's apartment. The other boy didn't utter a word as they walked under the stars. As much a Doumeki was a person of silence he wanted to talk to Watanuki so it wouldn't feel so awkward and it would help lessen the tension in the air.

"Watanuki?" he called.

"Hm?" the reply was a meek one from the crooks of his own neck. He smiled inwardly.

"You know I love you too right?" he thought if Watanuki could be honest with him, he should at least return the gesture.

"You do?"

"Uhm… And when you put yourself in danger I will do anything in my powers to get you out of it scratch free – if possible—" and before Watanuki could cut in, "NOT because I want your lunch or because I can see you act like an idiot but because I'm scared with every ounce of my being that you would disappear."

Watanuki was quiet. It was silence for a moment more when they entered the temple grounds and into Doumeki's house. Still in Doumeki's arms, he was carried into Doumeki's bedroom.

Inside, he was finally settled on the futon of Doumeki's. The taller boy placed the boy's things against the wall further away from them. He ten returned his attention to Watanuki and took off his school jacket. "Are you okay with sleeping in your shirt?" Doumeki asked. Watanuki nodded and he was gently pushed down to be tucked in. "Get some rest then," he said as he got up.

Watanuki's eyes start tearing again. "Doumeki…" he called. Doumeki turned around and raised a brow. "Come back…" Watanuki croaked, apparently his voice was failing him. Doumeki nodded and took off his shirt, leaving his drawstring pants that he was wearing earlier before being dragged out by Yuuko. He crawled back onto the futon and Watanuki raised the covers slightly so Doumeki could sneak under it. Once comfortable Watanuki turned to face Doumeki's broader chest and pressed his cheeks against it. He nuzzled closely to the other boy and relaxed as he felt the other did.

Carefully Doumeki rested his hands on Watanuki's head and hips, one hand on each.

"Stay with me forever," Watanuki uttered softly.

"Uhn," was the short answer, but Watanuki was assured when Doumeki kissed the top of his head.

---

---

Done.

I wanted to write this in pure English but I reached a roadblock with the sentence below…

- "Hirumeshi ga oishikatta. Arigatou…" - literally means, 'The lunch was great, thank you' but it could be one lunch or lots of lunches before. I used this to create the confusion between what Doumeki meant "thank you for all the lunches, it was great" and turned it into a farewell and Watanuki's comprehension of the sentence "Thanks for the lunch just now" for a mere expression of gratitude for one lunch.

Yeah, so it had to be in Japanese, I'm sorry. But I hope the endnotes helped explain it.

I'm sure it's pretty sucky… it's envious how girls could write lovely emotional angst… /

And uhm… I'm kinda doing things on superstrings theory now and if you want to get a better picture on what the hell is the 5th dimension, Google up "Imagining the Tenth Dimension – by Rob Bryanton"

Thanks !


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